I am a little late this week in getting out the Sunday Conversation! I was out of town last weekend and just got a chance to listen to Andy’s message yesterday. After hearing it I am kind of glad I am a little late getting this out because it gives everyone a chance to practice!
My brother is a really funny and talented guy. He is the kind of guy that attracts attention without even trying. We were eating at our favorite Chinese restaurant back home in Fayetteville, NC a few years ago and he launched into the story about his tonsillectomy. Somewhere, about 3/4 of the way through the story I looked around the restaurant and everyone was paying rapt attention. Some people had even turned their chairs around to listen. That is my brother. However, don’t ask him to tell a story, sing a song, tell a joke, or perform in any other manner or you will likely hear this, “Nope. This isn’t dance monkey dance.” Obviously this is a reference to the organ grinder monkeys that dance on command when someone drops a coin into their canister. He sometimes grows weary of people wanting him to perform, its as if he knows that they expect him to do something funny or great at the drop of a hat.
This weeks message from Andy Stanley was the last in the series “Staying In Love.” The focus of this message was on the gap between expectations and behavior in relationships. Andy says that when expectations differ from behavior you have two options: Assume the Worst or Believe the Best. Andy suggests that we can all agree on certain Biblical definitions of how love should look.
Read I Corinthians 13:4-6
Question 1: How can you improve on these areas in your relationships?
Part of this gap in the expectations is due to past experiences. As Andy mentioned in his message, Verse 7 is pretty hard to believe.
“Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
Each of us has experienced times in which each of these were not true in our relationships. Whether it was a parent, boyfriend, girlfriend, Fiance, Wife, Husband, child, etc.; each of us finds that verse hard to believe because we have experience that teaches us that it does not really work that way.
Courtney and I decided this week to try as hard as we can to “believe the best” about each other and try to put verse 7 into practice. I can tell you that its not easy. Its not that I don’t believe Courtney wants the best for me. Courtney doesn’t doubt my love for her at all. Our past experiences get in the way.
Andy introduced us to Mr. and Mrs. Mug last week. They were ordinary drinking mugs (think frost A&W Root Beer mugs) filled with blue or pink beads. The beads were meant to be all of the past, hurt, pain, “anti verse 7″ things that each of us bring into relationships. These beads come from our past experiences. The reason that I had a hard time with verse 7 this week had nothing to do with Courtney and everything to do with me looking at her through the lens of my past experiences.
Question 2: Have you tried verse 7 with your significant other, boss, co-workers, etc.?
Question 3: What past experiences with relationships affect your ability to live out verse 7?
I listen to a radio show on G105 (WDCG, 105.1FM) from Raleigh, NC called Bob and the Showgram. Its a morning show that at times can be crude and is definitely not safe for the whole family due to the nature of many of their conversations. However, there are times that are truly profound. Bob Dumas is the ringleader of the show and he says of marriage, “You can be right or you can be happy, but you can’t be both.”
I couldn’t help but laugh a little as Andy explained that you can be right, right, right, but if it gets in the way of believing the best then you won’t be happy. Once again, Bob Dumas hit the nail on the head. The goal in your marriage shouldn’t be to win. Its not a competition.
Marriages like these evolve into old western movies. One person holds the gun and slings bullets of unmet expectations at the feet of their partner and says, “Dance monkey, dance.”
Question 4: Do you find yourself trying to win in your relationships?
Question 5: Does your significant other think you are trying to win your relationship?
I am getting married on June 6, 2009. As a part of our ceremony we are having a responsive reading. I asked my Dad to write the responsive reading in such a way that it not only challenges Courtney and I, but also challenges everyone else in attendance. I have taken the liberty to change all of the “we’s” into “I’s”.
Read this to each other, then switch parts and read it again.
Reader 1: When I feel agitated and irritable within, I am tempted to be harsh and pushy.
Reader 2: Love is patient. Love is kind.
Reader 1: Sometimes I get resentful when others receive attention which causes me to overstate my importance and become showy.
Reader 2: Love does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud.
Reader 1: If my heart is unguarded, I can easily become abrasive and self-centered. I become short tempered, and I want to keep score.
Reader 2: Love is not rude; it is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs.
Reader 1: Sometimes I want to look at the weaknesses in others instead of the good that is trying to grow in them.
Reader 2: Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth.
Reader 1: When life gets hard, I find myself wanting to quit.
Reader 2: Love bears all things.
Reader 1: My mind is prone to doubting.
Reader 2: Love believes all things.
Reader 1: Sometimes I become negative and cynical.
Reader 2: Love hopes all things.
Reader 1: There are days when the weight of responsibility seems more than I can bear.
Reader 2: Loves endures all things.
Reader 1: What do I do, when I don’t know what to do?
Reader 2: Love never fails.
It is my hope that you will read this with your partner regularly. Memorize it. Live your life in such a way that others can recite these words just by seeing your relationship in action. I agree with Andy: The world will be most impacted for Christ if couples can put these truths into practice.
Question 6: What is one thing you can do to start living these words now?
Next Sunday Conversation coming up soon!! (I promise it won’t be a week late!)
